Okay, so the title of this post sounds dramatic, as though I’m about to put a very beloved pet to sleep.
It’s not as dramatic as it sounds, even though it is bittersweet, but my grandmother who reads this religiously doesn’t need to freak out.
Yes, I am saying goodbye to HelloSoul.
This has been a weird, sort of abrupt decision, one that has actually felt much easier than I thought saying goodbye to this blog would be.
Let me begin here:
This past November, I was standing in the shower.
Most of us have great ideas in the shower, probably because it’s warm and safe but also there are no pretenses, because nakedness. The previous month, after giving possibly the worst job interview of my life, I was rejected from a really prestigious writing job for which I had worked my ass off to get an interview. I got the interview, panicked, and was told less than 12 hours later I was not a good fit.
This rejection turned out to be the culmination of two years of claiming to be a writing for a living, when in fact I had one dirty little secret: I was hardly writing at all, and I certainly wasn’t making a living.
Here’s what I was actually doing:
I was procrastinating. I was working as a receptionist. I planned a wedding, got married, traveled, and became distracted for four months. I told everyone I was writing a book but so loathed the “book writing” process that after a year and a half I had less than 10,000 words and no idea what I was even writing about. I barely even wrote on HelloSoul, despite quitting my job to have more time to write on my blog.
When starting a new project or risky career move, a lot of people will casually say, “Oh, I have no idea what I’m doing.”
Let me be clear: I had absolutely no f*cking idea what I was doing.
I didn’t know what I was doing during the day.
I didn’t know what I was working towards.
I didn’t know how to make money. (Did magazines just, like, pay you?)
I didn’t even know how to pitch my writing. And on the rare occasion I did, the process of finding someone to pitch to, let alone something to write that was on-brand with a specific publication, was so cumbersome that I dreaded doing it.
I didn’t know what to charge people, and I also didn’t know how to find people to charge.
I said I was writing, told everyone, made business cards.
But I wasn’t writing.
I wasn’t writing for publications because I hated having to write what the publication wanted in a way the publication wanted.
I wasn’t writing on my blog because I was obsessed with perfectionism, desperate for the only writing I was putting in the world to be life-changing, viral, perfect. It had also begun to feel like talking very loudly about something deeply meaningful to me in an empty room. I wasn’t working to grow a blog audience, and because of this my audience didn’t grow. I became deeply apathetic about putting any writing on my blog.
Because I was supposed to be a “writer,” writing was no longer fun. Because I was finding no traction with making an income, everything I wrote suddenly felt like it needed an agenda, a brand, a way to monetize. Something I loved, something that had changed my life in profound ways was now a chore I took on at eight (okay, ten) in the morning.
Which brings us to last November.
As I stood in the shower, an idea began to form. If I had spent so long feeling frustrated about writing to make money, why didn’t I just stop doing that?
What if instead of scouring the internet for publications I was actually interested in writing for (and I was having trouble finding those) I stopped the search, stopped the frantic obsession with turning my writing into an income, and went back to the writing I used to love?
What if writing wasn’t supposed to be my career lifeline? What if I could go back to writing because it healed me, helped other people, gave me life?
So I stood in the shower and decided to quit one dream and take on another, one I liked much, much better.
Fast forward to now.
I’m no longer calling myself a freelance writer. Instead, not by any concrete decision or real thinking, I accidentally started a business as a content marketer writer, coach and designer (which you can check out here).
And I get to breathe a sigh of relief as I announce this next bit.
So much has changed for me over not just the last few years, but the last few months. And with it, my vision for a blog or a website or whatever you want to call it has also changed.
Which is why I’ve decided to say goodbye to HelloSoul and step into a new site, one that reflects the writer I am now and the writer I want to be.
This new site will still be my personal blog, yes, but my vision for it has changed. Now, I want to capture the essence of what it means to be a woman, millennial, feminist, career-driven, wife, person of faith in a way I didn’t feel the freedom to do before.
This new site isn’t Christianity Today and it’s not Cosmo: it’s somewhere in between, capturing that a woman of faith isn’t only interested in Jesus but has other interests and ideas and passions, things like travel, sex, style, career.
This new site, both in content and brand, will reflect who I am now, which is different from the person I was when I first started HelloSoul all those years ago.
The other thing I want to do is this: I want to build up other women writers.
I have spent years trudging through the frustrations of not having a writing community, of my work not being seen, of not feeling supported by writers who have found success.
And I don’t know how yet, but I want to give other women writers, ones who are looking for community or exposure or support, a platform. One that fits their voice.
So there it is, all for you, in all its glory.
HelloSoul will still be an active domain, but as of now there will no new posts or content. This blog has been an enormous gift to me, because not only did it give me a space to share what’s on my heart, but it helped me to see I wasn’t alone. And I hope it has helped you to see you’re not alone, and will continue to do so.
I am so thankful for every single person who has followed me on here, left comments, reached out to me. I hope that you’ll join me in the new space so we can keep being part of this community.
And now for some logistics!
My new site is NOT designed yet. However, I don’t want to wait until it’s designed to get back to writing and sharing with you. So as of right now, I will only be publishing new blog posts via email until the new site is up and running.
I want to make sure you keep getting posts and updates about when the new site will be live, so please click here to make sure you’ll get to see all new blog posts! I can virtually promise you you will not receive more than one Blog Post Email from me per week.
Also, if you’re a woman writer who might be interested in submitting a piece for consideration to the new site, I want to make sure you’re receiving updates! Again, click here for the link.
I’m pretty excited to show you guys the finished product, and real excited to get back to writing writing.